foreword

I’m not much in the mood to ramble about New Year’s today – maybe tomorrow.

But considering the events of the past year, I don’t think it passed very well. Friendships, academics, all bad. There’s always next year to make things better, I guess.

I have a hunch, and I have a dreadful feeling it’s true. Don’t forget what I said, please don’t forget.

Fireworks with good friends will be a blast, as always. This time along with nice warm drinks and a cozy ambience. I hope.

If you go, now, I’ll understand
If you stay, hey, I’ve got a plan

I really need to be more conscious about who I invite to my own house for dinners next time.

Another year’s about to pass.

I remember when I was younger, maybe about 11 years of age. I walked into the kitchen and saw my Mom swallowing some pills, and asked if she was sick. She replied something along the lines of:

“No lah, this is to make sure you don’t have anymore brothers or sisters.”

I nodded and walked away, confused.

A couple of years later, I suddenly thought of that incident and silently went, “Oh.” … Details I didn’t want to know about.

I feel like rambling today. It’s been a while, eh? Somehow or other I seem to have less and less to write about as the year progresses, and now that it’s coming to an end I guess we can safely say I’m near (or already at) the peak of… blankness. Like being in a state where nothing seems to be able to penetrate your mind, and it can’t be polluted with thoughts of the world (or my potential weird and pointless ramblings that we’ve missed), and it’s just… sitting there. Untouched, unused, and in its pure form.

I think I’m reaching nirvana. I didn’t know it was so easy, you should try it too.

Anyway I guess it’s just that this year I’ve had less time to wander around in my own mind like I used to. That may not be such a bad thing, considering I have the same level of sanity as… uh… Rocky or something. (Actually I think he’s a bit madder than me.) Imagine what I’d have done to me if I’d left me to myself. Oh the horrors, unimaginable. So don’t bother trying to imagine even though two lines before I mentioned imagining it.

I think I just successfully got me started on rambling. Ah, the good ol’ days. This is without alcohol, too. There’s just something about me, alcohol and blogging. Put me in Timbre or something with a couple pints of beer, and maybe I’d smile a lot but that would have been about it. But put me in front of the computer (mine, to be exact – I don’t blog on other people’s, I’d feel as if their little binary bot minds were spying on me. Which, even so, shouldn’t be much of a cause for worry because it’s a blog and people read it. But I get bothered so leave me alone), with enough alcohol coursing through my blood and shirt and I’d just rattle on like nobody’s business. I’d have about 2% of spelling errors in the entry too, if I wrote long enough.

I guess the beauty of writing is in not knowing what the hell you’re talking about. Like this entry.

For those who want to test the Timbre theory, I’ll be by my lonely self there tonight – along with 3 friends at the same table – so come by and say hi if you’re near. It costs you at least a pint of beer to do that. Which beer, I’m not fussy with, really. (As long as it’s a Heineken or Erdinger – I’m in the mood tonight)

The secret to being able to speak or write endlessly lies in the art of self-centeredness. That’s, of course, my own unproven theory. Take this entry, for example. It’s maybe 101% about me – or more. I realized this… some time during the span of my life. I mean, face it. We love to talk about ourselves. When we complain, speak to strangers, communicate, a lot of the time it’s about us. It’s either related to us in one way or another, or we tend to lose interest(or move on to think about chocolate, ice cream, or chocolate ice cream).

The main thing with this is that it’s not a bad thing. It just depends on how we do it, and how the things we go through in life help us to hone it. You can make people love you for talking, or you can make them want to pull your guts out and then choke you with it. I know of a couple of people I want to do that to. Messy affair though, maybe I should stick to ropes.

For me I just ramble to blog, and I blog to ramble. They make good friends, blogging and rambling. One can come before the other, and vice versa. I wonder if top and bottom works for them too.

I’m really writing a lot of rubbish, and I’m not sorry for it. Now I have to go sit on wooden chairs belonging to a place with a name that could be mistaken for what the chairs are made of,  and listen to what the name of the place really means.

So peace out, xoxo and whatever else you people do when you sign off. Chest bumps or something.

I’m on a roll!

I’d say these were pretty successful :)

Recent baking endeavours. Chocolate and caramel layers on shortbread, and ginger spice cookies – since it’s Christmas time. I’d have used the phrase ‘baking conquests’ but I didn’t really conquer them – they’re not as delicious as I’d have wanted them to be. Oh well, one can’t be too picky.

It’s all or nothing.

My mom is currently in the ‘Malay phrases’ phase – as in she’s been using an increasing amount of Malay comments when she speaks. I’d thought that I was being paranoid, that maybe it was just one or two random uses, but the proliferation of their presence in her speech is becoming alarming.

You have to understand that she had never used them before. Not in front of me, anyway. Think ‘apa’, ‘machiam’ or even them put together. I’m not sure if she knows the accurate meanings of those words, but it is pretty amusing.

I have a sudden craving for jam – the fruity stuff you spread on breads. It’s weird, I’m not a jam person.

Hong Kong. Bintan/Phuket/any good beach. Greece. US. Europe. Thailand. Malaysia. Duty-free alcohol. Anyone..?

A flurry of..?

The cascading jumble that forms cogitation.

Trust – the basis of all kinds of relationships. Choices – not meant to be taken with half a foot in one, while the other half still remains somewhat diffidently with the other. Is it that hard to take risks, is it that hard to get over your fear of not making the perfect decision?

It’s funny how so many different things in your life seem to happen along similar themes, similar patterns.

It was nice to end the day with drinks.

Anyway. Watched Two Days In Paris with Yanni and Wei today, it’s a pretty good film. So many interesting lines I would’ve quoted from it, but I seem to have forgotten pretty much all of them. Below’s a memorable one I found while poking my nose around. It’s a film worth catching, so if you happen to be bored and surfing blogs at home, just go down to the Cathay Picturehouse to watch it, for fun.

“It always fascinated me how people go from loving you madly to nothing at all, nothing. It hurts so much. When I feel someone is going to leave me, I have a tendency to break up first before I get to hear the whole thing. Here it is. One more, one less. Another wasted love story. I really love this one. When I think that its over, that I’ll never see him again like this… well yes, I’ll bump into him, we’ll meet our new boyfriend and girlfriend, act as if we had never been together, then we’ll slowly think of each other less and less until we forget each other completely. Almost. Always the same for me. Break up, break down. Drunk up, fool around. Meet one guy, then another, fuck around. Forget the one and only. Then after a few months of total emptiness start again to look for true love, desperately look everywhere and after two years of loneliness meet a new love and swear it is the one, until that one is gone as well. There’s a moment in life where you can’t recover any more from another break-up. And even if this person bugs you sixty percent of the time, well you still can’t live without him. And even if he wakes you up every day by sneezing right in your face, well you love his sneezes more than anyone else’s kisses.”
- Two Days In Paris

Today is the first of December. As in the day that just passed.

I thought it was the 31st of November, because I’d been thinking of a good time to use my Pizza Hut voucher where I could redeem a free regular pizza – the voucher’s expiry date was the 31st of November.

So today someone asked me for the date, and since I distinctly remembered the day before being the 30th of November, I said that it was the 31st.

‘There’s no 31st in November, atee!’

Eh? What? Did that voucher just cheat me by a day?

…. Yea, I really have nothing to write about. Sometimes I just get big blocks.